Happy Birthday to me!

I am officially 23 years old. But I spent my birthday working. Its not that bad, since I already celebrated my birthday over the weekend. Yesterday was part 3, which also marks the last part of my celebrations.

Officially meeting up with my pig dog friends aka secondary school friends may only be twice a year.

Once during Chinese New Year, and the other on my Birthday.

Even though we meet up so not often, we never seem to run out of topics. Its always great fun to meet up with them and hearing their funny comments and sacarsm.

The conversation of the night was about one of my friends. He told us all about his trip to Japan and his new girlfriend.

Ok, he didn't talk about it unless we asked him.

Anyway, we knew each other since way back and any comments regardless of how degrading or insulting will just be laughed off.

Because we all know we can take it.

Heres an excerpt of his conversation regarding his trip to Japan.

"Wah, Japan ah, you keep turning your head until you neck pain sial! The girls there ah..."

*Gives the expression of shiokness*

If you need a visual aid, try thinking of this.

You need to shit. You can't find a toilet. When you finally found one and let go, your face has this expression.

There. My visual aid in words. Haha!

Anyway, heres a summary of my birthday celebrations.

Total time taken for birthday preparations: One month.
Total time taken for dinner venue reservations: One week.
Total amount spent: Approximately $300 +/-
Time spent with my friends: Priceless

To all those who came to my 23rd Birthday celebration, thank you! Do excuse me if I was a bad host or anything. But my 23rd birthday is really one of the memorable moments in my life, compared to all the previous years. Because you people made it happen!

Thank you again!

* * * * *

Yet another blogger I read has closed down his blog. SuspiciousBastard, why oh why? You haven't finished your series yet!

Don't worry, I'll hunt your new blog down (if you have one) during my spare time.

If I did it for one, I can do it again!

* * * * *

I have invitations to go to Zouk tonight. I wonder if I should go or not...

Good things happen to good people?

I've received yet another birthday present.

In a form of a phone call.

The event company called me sial!

Say they need people for tomorrow, which is also my birthday.

I never thought that they would call me after I rejected them last Friday.

Its really a miracle.

Whats more I have no more celebrations tomorrow onwards, as tonight will be my last organised 23rd birthday celebration with my pig dog friends mostly from my secondary school.

Maybe like what Mr LQ said, good things happen to good people.

I'm so happy!

Tight and rubbery!

Birthday celebration Day 2.

Total invited 9. Only 7 people turned up for dinner. And it was still fun nevertheless! Different range of topics kept going to and fro the dinner table. Boy we had so much to laugh and talk about after the majority of us has not seen each other for at least 3 weeks!

I remember them asking me what my birthday wish was. I was stumped. I really didn't know. I've stopped wishing for my birthdays ever since I've entered the army because all my wishes never come true. Now if you ask me to really think, I can tell you that I still don't know. I'm serious!

After dinner we decided to head down O Bar for some drinks. But shifted to Boat Quay instead as O Bar was closed. Like Raph said, definetely must make me drunk puke since I was the birthday boy. Initially we started slow... but after we started playing some card game introduced by Sam, I somehow became the one who was always drinking.

Day 1 of my birthday celebration I was made to sing and sing.

Day 2 I was made to drink and drink. Sheesh.

They also forced me to open my birthday presents before I was knocked out.

They were wondering why I didn't tear the wrapper. I was unwrapping it slowly you see. I said that the wrapper paper can reuse mah. Don't waste. I wonder why that line brought so much laughter among them...

The photos are currently in Sandy's digicam. So, I'll just make do with the pictures I took with my mobile phone.


My birthday card! Addressed to The Lecherous Monk! Haha! I like!


iPod Shuffler protector. Fits into my iPod like a condom! Tight and rubbery! I wonder if they are hinting anything? The whole night they were talking about me getting laid or something...


Models from my wishlist! Although I know about Destiny Gundam, I did not know that they will be getting Red Astray for me as well!

I love the presents. Thank you guys!

I think I kena alot of candid shots. I was so high that I only remember flash lights at my direction. I'll post it up on my friendster or flickr when I receive them. One thing's for sure, I'll become the talk of next semester.

Raph also got what he wished for. To get me puking.



I merlion-ed not once, but twice! And I was given the award of the fastest puker. Everyone was saying that I was an eye opener, as I was the first person they knew who gets drunk fast and pukes just as fast. Even after countless times telling them that I'm a bad drinker.

I guess seeing is believing.

I also remember saying "FUNNY!" everytime they poked fun at my drinking ability disability. I guess that was my favourite word last night.

Supper was also very interesting. Raph leveled up again, by saying the most incredible bullshit I've ever heard. Here is an excerpt, something along that line...

"Eh Raph, finish up your drink leh! Waiting for it to evaporate ah?"

"Beer don't evaporate one, I know because I did an experiment before. I leave a glass of beer overnight, the next morning still same level. But I leave a glass of rootbeer overnight, the next morning the level drop. You know why? Got ants."

Wah lau! Fucking cock, corny and lame loh!

Ok, now that my head is slightly cleared, and my stomach feels empty. I need food!

Toodles!

Wishlist (Updated as of 28.11.2005)

I already told you, if you are really planning to get me something from this list, I suggest you tell me about it, so that I can edit the wishlist accordingly. This is what era liao, presents need not be secretive anymore.

I will take down the ones that has been bought. Hopefully, after updating this, there won't be any double purchase from different groups. But I said it before... I don't need presents. If I invited you, please attend! It will mean alot to me. Really.

* * * * *

My Wishlist (Updated as of 28.11.2005)

• Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Chaos Theory PC-DVD. PC DVD, not PS2 or Xbox hor. Title must also be Chaos Theory. Cannot be others. It comes in 2 different packaging but the content is the same. (I think)
  
  
  Packaging 1
  
  
  Packaging 2
  
  
• Sony or TDK Internal Double/Dual Layer & Dual Format DVD Re-writable for my personal computer. (My pig dog friends are getting for me this I think, so I can't remove this just yet.)
  
  
• DVD player. Can plug to TV one.
  
  
• A digital camera. No need so high end. Can take and produce decent photographs can liao.
  
  
• PSP

Hotdog is not a dog right?

Birthday celebration with group 1.

7 people. Only 4 turned up. No matter. It was still fun.

KTV marathon for 5 hours. Woo hooo! I've never sang so much mandarin songs for so long in my life. The last KTV marathon I attended was 6 hours, but I didn't sing much then because I can't quite read those 繁体字.

After alot more training sessions, I can agar agar read already, if not its pure memorising; where I know what sound should come out of my mouth during which part of the song.

Today I was made to sing and sing and sing.

Even my friend said I've improved dramatically over the years.

Sure anot? I still felt that I was killing chickens.

Dinner time was the best. More chit-chatting going on unlike during KTV where everyone practically watches the screen.

Dinner consisted of fried fish, vegetables, fried you char kway, pork meat and tian ji.

As we were finishing up, they offered me the last tian ji.

"Eh cannot lah, I'm full already. Besides I don't like chicken."

Everyone at the table stared at me.

"Eh, this is frog legs leh. What chicken?" my friend asked.

"Tian Ji not sweet chicken meh?"

Then it dawned on me that Tian Ji = Frog's Legs and not Sweet Chicken as I initially thought.

This sentence of the day brought so much laughter on the dinner table, at my expense. Then my friend shoot me this sentence where I cannot fight back one.

"Hotdog is not a dog right?"

Looks like all the KTV damaged my brain a little.

Aiyah, I usually do a direct translation of everything chinese, even during conversations. Ask Luoqi. He will know what I'm talking about. Right Luoqi?

Anyway, we had no plans after dinner. We decided to head over to AMK to take a walk at the pasar malam before we went our seperate ways.

I bought two t-shirts for $15.

Cheap!

Decisions decisions!

Remember my last interview? The one I said where I felt that something good will come out of it?

Well, the good news was that they called me today.

Yippee!!

Maybe the interviewer physco-ed her boss to hire me among all the other applicants because I had a fun time chatting away with her?

The bad news? I was to report to work tomorrow.

Hello? I stated clearly on my application form that I am only available from the 28th November 2005 onwards in bold, caps and underline! Which part of it did they not understand?

Arggh, decisions decisions.

I swear my mind was on overdrive at that point of time. I had to make a decision while conversing with her on the phone.

On one hand, I'm jobless and need something to do besides bumming away at home.

On the other hand, I have 2 groups of friends to celebrate my birthday with over the entire weekend.

I chose the latter.

I planned this dinner a month ago loh. Many of those confirmed have already set aside the specified date specially for me already. To cancel it would seem very inappropriate.

To me, friends are more important (hint hint) while a part time job is just... temporary.

But I did ask the interviewer to see if she can negotiate with her boss for me or not because... I also wanted the job.

Oh well, too late to do anything now.

I don't think they will ever call me back. If they do, it will really be a miracle.

Lets hope this weekend will be an enjoyable and memorable one.

It was fun while it lasted

Goodbye.

I am closing down my blog.

It was fun while it lasted, writing about silly stuff, knowing that there are a few friends and strangers who visits my blog almost daily.

Its nice to know that people like reading what I write but alas, I still have to take it down.

No point continuing anymore.

The hype is over.

I'm taking down this url.

Gotcha~

Did you seriously think that I will close down The New Unholy Scriptures? Ha!

I wanted to close down the old Unholy Scriptures because I don't want to spoonfeed those maxim viewers to this new blog url already.

If they are really interested, they will do everything it takes to hunt down this blog url I'm sure.

Given that The Lecherous Monk is number one on google search results, I don't think they need to try that hard...

I won't close down The Unholy Scriptures lah. Not just yet. Although I've already tasted a little of the blog-for-others-instead-of-yourself poison some time back...

I said it before and I'll say it again.

I blog for myself. If you don't like what you see, you can always click X at the top right hand of your browser window thank you very much.

Other than taking down "sensitive" or "inappropriate" posts, you won't see me editing any of my content again.

Do note that the statements above is catered to the general public. I have no grudges against anybody. I'm Mr Ok remember? I don't hold grudges one.

And it seems that I'm not the only one closing down my blog. I was just reading tomorrow.sg and discovered that Apple aka VeryPoisonousLady has finally closed down hers.

This sucks.

Her blog never fails to provide me with eye candy and entertainment. It always comes with so much pictures and the words are always in Singlish! I like!

To the people who forced her to make the decision to close down her blog:

Now that her blog is closed, are you happy now? Which pretty blogger are you going to target next huh?

The moment

Went for a job interview today.

The boss wasn't around when I went up to the office, so one of their staff interviewed me instead.

The person who interviewed me? I like.

I was expecting the interview to be entirely in perfect english but after 5 minutues into it, she started talking like... a Singaporean. You know, one sentence can consist of English, Mandarin and Dialect. It no longer became an interview. It was more like a conversation instead. I felt so at ease talking to her.

Now if only most companies interview prospective employees like that. Sweet!

The conditions for the job were explained to me and as usual, she said that they will call me. Somehow, I feel that something good will come out of this interview. Hoping that this is the moment I've been waiting for. A chance to stop bumming!

Backtrack abit before the interview.

I had to fill up the employment form they gave to me. While writing my particulars, I was amused with the way the staff communicates. Very Singaporean sial. They call up supplier also like that. Haha.

I also heard something new.

You know when someone is very enthusiastic about something, the term we usually use to describe the person is very enthu. (pronouced N2 for short)

Quite understandable.

While filling up the employment form, I overheard the interviewer calling her friend to chit chat. I heard her say, "Eh you sound so emo?"

Emo? WTF is emo? That the the moment and also the first time I heard such a use of short form. I stopped writing on the form and started to think what emo is.

My guess was emo = emotional.

At least it sounded logical. What do you readers think?

* * * * *

Ok, I know you readers have been waiting, so here it is!

The SNAG Mag issue 2 review!



The articles which initially caught my eye were,

• First date, last date? Is your first date also your last?
• 10 things that tell you if SHE'S THE ONE!

After reading through the entire magazine, I find that the articles are quite tame. I can get all these info by just doing a search on http://www.askmen.com

Really.

Other stuffs include men's fashion, dining/chillout places, latest gadgets, upcoming movies, games and other stuff like the interviews done with the local girls.

But for a price like that, it is packed with alot of information (that can be found on the internet). For people like who don't keep myself updated, this magazine is a good buy.

And they have featured babes too!

Forget about http://www.sggirls.com. Magazines are way better.

And the moment you all have been waiting for...

Samantha Han, voted as SNAG's favourite clubbing queen.

Adeline aka the cover girl. Featured beach babe. Shes hot!

Fransca. (Yes, thats her name) Featured beach babe.

Amber. Featured beach babe.

Nicole. Featured beach babe.

Stella. Featured beach babe.



Vote For Your Favourite Beach Babe Now! According to SNAG magazine, vote for your Favourite Beach Babe and get a free MMS picture download of your favourite Beach Babe photo.

Instructions can be found at http://snag-mag.com

Don't blame me for the quality of the pictures. I'm using a camera phone, which is the only camera in my entire household. Anybody want to sponsor me a digicam?

If you are that fussy about quality, go get yourself a copy.

Its only SDG$3.80

Just another normal day

As my big day draws closer, so have the preparations.

Reservations at the restuarant, done.

I was on my way to town to settle the stuffs and my friend HQ decided to call and meet up. He was in the vicinity and we decided to meet up for dinner. Oh well, at least it beats having dinner alone.

HQ is also another interesting fella. He was my friend from the army, same department. He can talk so much cock that sometimes I don't know whether to laugh at his jokes or just shut him up. I guess going to reservist will be so much fun with him around.

He showed me his PSP and I was like... wah~ I played the game he had in his PSP and I am so amazed by its graphics. Other than games you can also store music, videos or pictures inside.

Sweet!

Forget about the video iPod. I'm adding PSP into my wishlist instead!

Our last stop before heading home was Kinokuniya.

I needed to buy something to read to kill time. I came across a book called the Lay Guide at the relationships section. Initially I was tempted to purchase it but I stopped myself.

I went to purchase a magazine instead.



Sensual New Age Guy magazine. Second issue. I flipped through a few pages before finally purchasing it. I wonder why I didn't notice their first issue out at the bookstands last month.

Maybe it was because of my exams.

Will give a review after I'm done reading it.

Tuition Part 2

Second session today!

Ok not today. Yesterday.

The time I spent at "Kamal's" house today stretched from 3pm to 12midnight.

Hes such a wonderful host, always making sure I had things to munch on and had enough to drink. He even offered me a Javanese snack called Rempeyek. It taste like Murukku. This was the first time I tried it and I give it a thumbs up!


Mirinda Green Apple with Rempeyek combination. Shiok!

As for teaching 'Kamal", there was only so much I could still remember and teach him and there was only so much he could absorb.

During most of the breaks, he has been regretting on why he didn't study with me & the rest of my study group a month back.

Hes having such a difficult time now that I see also heart pain.

Oh well, I passed the rest of my notes to him when he sent me home just now. Hopefully he can find some solutions in them.

Even the tequila girls no fight ah!

What a sucky week it has been.

Late nights.

Waking up in the mid afternoons.

Rotting around the house.

Playing Brood War.

Getting my reserved shirt sold to some unknown jackass.

Discovering that Magic Wok in Far East Plaza has closed down.

Boring music at Music Underground.

The only redeeming factor last night was the girl in white dancing oh so sexily on the bartop,

With a super flat stomach, very very nice legs and wearing those flair skirts that would expose the underneath if ever theres a strong wind, she is sooooo hot!

If she wasn't dancing up there when the DJ started to play R&B and top 40s, I would have left the place way much earlier.

Heck shes so hot that even the tequila girls no fight!

Nothing much on a lazy Sunday.

And that concludes my sucky week.

How about yours?

Where have all the bloggers gone to?

Why is everyone comtemplating on closing down their blogs when they have been entertaining readers like me for the past few months?

Why why why?!

I was just reading Miss BlackHighHeels' blog and she has identified that Daphne aka PinkShoeFetish has closed down her blog.

Although I'm an occasional reader of hers, I find her post very interesting and entertaining.

As far as I know, PinkShoeFetish has just changed to her new blog url from her old one somemore. I can see that she spent quite an effort to make her new blog with the customised blogskins and everything and all of a sudden, she close down her blog.

Maybe its because of the Dawn Yang hoo haa. As a result, all the pretty faces in the blogosphere are affected?

Apple Lim aka VeryPoisonousLady is also another chio bu who is thinking of closing her blog.

So is Gabrielle, as mentioned in her blog. Don't know if she is joking or not.

After reading all these, I get reminded of a post which I lau zei-ed from Cowboy Caleb sometime back.

Excerpt:

Blogging is mental masturbation. You can either do it in the privacy of your room (albeit: pen and paper) or you can be kinky and wank off in public, where the thrill of other bloggers discovering your nasty habit is high.

Admit it, you want to be caught. It gives you a sense of exhiliration. You blog because you want the rest of the world to share the experience with you, otherwise you might as well just kill a few trees and start a diary instead.

But when you get caught, you cry bloody murder. Nobody forced you to post those pics. Nobody put a gun to your head and told you to write those words. You did it - all by yourself. You wanted to.

You practically sign away all your rights to privacy when you blog.

Blogging is getting somewhat serious don't you think? Getting too out of hand. Its like a fire you can't extinguish and it keeps spreading.

Thats why I don't like to participate in any blog wars. I just watch from afar like a typical Singaporean. Just being kaypoh can already. I don't want my blog to catch fire if you know what I mean...

I am only one man, I can't please the whole of Singapore, let alone the entire world. I blog for myself most of the time anyway. If the point of blogging is just to please people, blog for what in the first place?

Just to be on the safe side, maybe we should all start to keep our blogs anoynomous...

Don't worry, if ever a day like that comes, I'll inform you faithful readers about it.

Alright, I'm off to get ready. Going to Music Underground tonight.

Toodles!

One man's journey in Orchard Road

I am so fucking pissed off!

Remember last week I went shopping and ordered a shirt?

Ok, not exactly ordered but reserved.

You see, last week when I went, there were no more no sizes for the t-shirt I wanted. After some enquiring with their other branches, they were pleased to inform me that the branch at Great World City had the size. By offering good customer service, they will courier the shirt from the branch at Great World to Ngee Ann City, but it will take awhile. They took down my name and number and said they will call me as soon as they got hold of it. I was to expect their phone call around Wednesday.

So I blogged about it and waited.

Wednesday, no phone call.

Thursday, no phone call.

So I decided to just get my ass down town today to check with them. Other than that, I still have to reserve a table at Magic Wok for my Birthday.

And guess what?

When I asked the sales girl who took down my particulars if the shirt has arrived or not, she dared to have the cheek to tell me this.

"Oh, you are the monk right? Yah, the shirt did came, but one customer saw it and wanted to buy it there and then, so I had to sell it."

I started to create a scene. A small one. Another staff member who was listening to our conversation tried to salvage the situation by asking the sales girl if she got call me or not.

"Erm..."

I can tell the look on her face that she was guilty.

I helped her to reply.

Hello? I reserved that shirt one week ago! If I knew that you were going to sell it to some jackass off the street, I would have just gone to Great World City last week and bought it there and then!

Like that take down my particulars for fuck?

Of course I didn't said the above two paragraphs to them lah.

But!

I am so angry and dulan that I vowed never to trust another sales assistant again when it comes to reserving a piece of clothing again.

Who cares about the customer? All they care about is earning their bloody pay!

No wonder the papers said that Singapore customer service cannot make it!

Fucked up!

And I was so excited about owning that t-shirt somemore!

Now it is in some jackass' possession.

Hmmph!

I wasn't thinking about going home empty handed, so I combed Far East Plaza, stepping into every shop selling T-shirts.

But the only shirt that caught my eye was too expensive. It exceeded my budget of $30.

Bummer.

As if it wasnt my day, Magic Wok at Far East Plaza has closed down! Fucking hell! Got so bloody sway or not?

I felt so lost. My reserved t-shirt got sold away, the t-shirt which I liked was too expensive and the restaurant which I wanted to host my Birthday dinner treat closed down.

The lightings along Orchard Road were lighted up by the time I stepped out of Far East Plaza.

I remembered Elizabeth telling me that the lightings this year was very nice so I went to take a walk and soak in the feeling. It was also my way of cooling down after feeling so pek chek.

Somehow, the lightings along Orchard Road reminded me of Chinese New Year instead.

Its so red and yellow!

This Christmas tree was taken outside Paragon. Notice the lightings on the right side. Very Chinese New Year hor?

The rest of the night wasn't so bad.

Apart from an overdose of eye candy (it seems that they were all out in full force), the other interesting thing I saw was this guy drinking yakult.

Damn funny. You know yakult comes in bottles of 5 right? This guy I saw poked the straws through all the bottles and drank from the different straws at random. Some people really do the strangest things.

Dinner time was also an ear opener. Since I was alone, I chose to eat my dinner about 8 plus. Off peak hours and I know that there will be seats available.

Sitting beside me were two ladies. They were talking about mundane stuff: life and work and their love for char kway teow.

Yes I was evesdropping. I was alone, and bored! They were talking so loudly! What can I do? Change table? I was there first loh.

Just then, a couple walked past their table. Not any ordinary couple. It was a young lady with an old man about twice her age.

At first I thought that those two were father and daughter. So sweet. When was the last time I went out with my mother or father alone?

Then those two ladies beside me started gossiping about that lady and her sense of dressing (tank top and mini skirt) and concluded that the girl was a social escort judging from their intimate behaviour.

Initially one of them said that she was a bar girl but her friend corrected her and called her a social escort instead.

Why? Because bar girls don't start work that early.

Wah lau! Damn chek ark sial!

Just when I was about to leave for home, my mother messaged me asking me where I was. Apparently she was attending a dinner and dance at Meritus Hotel and she was finishing soon.

She didn't drive the car to dinner today and shes quite a sua ku when taking public transport. Since I am currently a man with too much time on his hands, I offered to waited for her so that we can go home together.

I didn't come home empty handed afterall.

I came home with my mum.

Keeping myself occupied

Bumming away at home is indeed boring.

Other than helping out with the household chores and reading the papers word for word, there is practically nothing else to do if I'm not out of the house.

I was on the verge of going insane.

Until I looked through my old PC games collection.

I found a game which I had but did not install and play for don't know what reason.



When I first started played Starcraft a few years ago. I spent a good 2 to 3 weeks completing it without using cheats.

I used to remember playing the multiplayer mode with my other dialup friends. What joy we had during those times.

I wonder why I didn't play Brood War though...

Nevermind! Now since I have excess time on my hands, I can slowly savour playing this old game of mine again.

Within this two weeks, don't expect to see any frequent updates on my blog. I'll be Star Crafting.

Maybe I should get my friends to try playing it again.

Multiplayer anyone?

Helping the resurrected

I got a one time job offer! Tutoring!

By now you must be wondering: Wah, I this kind of pattern and standard can be tuition teacher ah?

I did declare that I was not good but I still got hired!

Since my standard was not there, I was paid something else instead of cash.

I was offered transportation costs and makan.

And I was just paid today!

* * * * *

My feeble attempt of blogging something out of nothing.

I was helping my classmate "Kamal". He was murdered on channel 5 True Files. Resurrected. Dyed his hair and looks like a gangster now. Requested assistance from me for his exams next week.

He offered to pay me but I refused.

Of course lah! Friend leh! Somemore after my exams I nearly forgotten almost everything I studied already loh.

Well, apparently he was quite lost. So I met up with him today, passed him my set of past years exam papers and guided him on what and how to study, my style.

At the end of the day, he treated me to dinner and paid for my transport back home.

For those who know this "Kamal", lets wish him all the best for his exams next week yah? He has 4 papers to take within a span of 3 days. The first paper is next Wednesday.

Infinite Possibilies

Was listening to Love Songs on Class 95 last night. Yaz (The DJ) said something about why we singles are still... single before signing off with her trademark "good night, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite."

She listed a few possibilities. It is because we are too nice, we try to hard, we use money to buy love, we need to polish our chasing skills yada yada... somewhere along these lines lah. I can't remember word for word, I was dozing off at that time already!

Now that I'm blogging about it, how about those singles who are still single because they choose to be? Or that their circle of friends consists of majority men? Or that all or most of the women they know of are attached? While those non attached women... well, theres no sparks between them.

Or how about bringing their date to the wrong place? Or saying the wrong things?

The possibilities are endless!

Hmmm... at least it gives me ideas on something I'm currently doing on the side...

Stay tuned!

Macam I purposely go look like that!

You know the feeling of looking at beautiful long legs and always wondering where does it lead to?

Yea, of course I know where it leads! Duh!

But its the feeling of unknown... the aura of mystery.

You know? You know?

When exposed, its not that interesting anymore.

Its like sexy lingerie. Men like seeing them on the lady, it covers her naughty bits.

When its taken off, there is nothing left to hide.

Finito. End of story. Game Over.

No more suspense in other words.

Now for my story.

I had my fair share of catching women exposing themselves unintentionally over the years.

Thats for wearing low cut and leaning forward. I can't help myself looking into your cavernous depths if you expose it in my face right?

According to what my Mother used to tell me, if I see too much of these kind of things, one day something will sure grow out of my eyes.

Over the years, I've figured that that was just a hoax to prevent her son from being a lecherous fella.

I guess she failed.

Anyway, there was one day when I was just doing my daily oogling while I stumbled across a girl wearing a super miniskirt. Ok, nice toned legs but something is amiss.




After much scrutinizing, I discovered what was wrong.

She has wrinkled thighs!

Ewww! What a turn off! Maybe with more cloth, she could cover up those wrinkles and yet show off her nice legs. Apparently, this act of if-you-have-it-flaunt-it just don't cut it lah...

Somemore, the miniskirt is those type that will surely get exposed if u make any wrong moves that type.

Oh yea, she made a wrong move alright. She tiptoed and leaned herself forward on the table don't know do what.

Just when my eyes was looking at her direction somemore.

And I saw what was under her skirt.

A pair of minishorts. Paired up with the wrinkled thighs and its...

Eewww!

I swear, I thought I was going blind there and then.

How many pairs of undergarments does she want to wear? And whats the point of buying a miniskirt if you intend to wear a pair of minishorts underneath? Sheesh!

I was telling this incident to my friends and they went silent for a good 10 seconds and gave me that kind of look.

Macam I purposely go look like that.

Ok lah, so I did purposely go look. But like I said, I cant help it! Its my nature! I'm the Lecherous Monk remember? Be thankful that I'm even confessing it to them!

And I was told that its not called wrinkled thighs.

It's called cellulite.

* * * * *

PS: Come to think of it, what my mother said may come true. Assume one day I get caught oogling at some girl by their over zealous boyfriend, the only thing growing out of my eye will be an orr bak kart.

This market is only big enough for two!

How many lecherous monks can you find off the Internet?

So far, the only other lecherous monk I know of is Miroku from the anime Inuyasha.

Until today.

Anyway, I was googling for The Lecherous Monk and surprise surprise, my blog url is number one from google search results. I feel so proud of myself. *Beams*



Then I saw number two. Who the fuck is he? I click the link and saw this.



Click to enlarge.

Idolising? Maybe.

But where is the sense of identity?

Haven't you heard? Two is a company. Three is a crowd.

I share this turf with Miroku.

Move over kid.

Word of the day

I told myself that I should not go out that often.

But I went out window shopping again, hoping that I can buy something I like back.

Going out with Mr Kwan is always great fun.

Witty words or one liners just pop up out of the blue.

I was at Guardian Pharmacy and needed assistance regarding some product.

All the staff were busy with something.

"Why don't you ask the person at the Pharmacy counter?" He said.

"The pharmacist? You sure they know anot?"

He corrected me. "Its called the pharmist."

"Don't try to bluff me. I know its called pharmacists. Pharmist just don't sound right leh." I replied and approached the pharmacy counter.

"Oh, I know what its called." Mr Kwan stopped me and whispered into my ear.

"Its called the pharmer"

Damn corny yet so funny.

That really got us laughing there and then.

People in Guardian Pharmacy thought we were mad.

Spending money like water

I got sick of sitting on my bum for the past two weeks and decided to apply for a part time job. I sent in my resumes last week and went for the first interview today.

Bah, apparently they are looking for full timers on a long term basis.

Went walking along Orchard road after the Interview to buy clothes to add to my wardrobe. Bought 1 and ordered one. Will be going down next week to collect.

This shirt will surely deter people who intends to talk to me in my mother tongue.



Good for a potato kid like me.

If you would like to know, the words on the shirt literally says, "You don't ask me... I don't know."

All in all, I think I spent $50 dollars today. I haven't start earning money yet and there I am spending money like water already.

Sheesh. I need more interviews!

A bug's life.

"Its about time you go out and see the world" she said.

My mother's words. And I have my doubts. Most probably she must be getting too old to bring back food. But what choice did I have? Being the eldest, I need to look after my fellow siblings when she is gone.

I guess it was for my own good. At least she is going with me tonight, to show me the ropes. I can't imagine if I were to go alone. Sheesh.

As for my father, haiz, lets not talk about him.

My mother told us that he has left for greener pastures. But according to the gossips I've heard from the ah peks and ah sohs in my neighbourhood, he went hunting for food one day and he never came back. The neighbourhood scout also mentioned he heard the sounds of a tortured male on the day my father left.

Well, it doesn't matter. He doesn't place priority in our family anyway. He is a fucking player! To think that he was able to make out with a number of the females during his days. These females are the very ones my friends labelled lau chio.

I think I am becoming my father in some ways, but not totally. Although I had many girlfriends in the past, they would not even let me make out with them! How did my old man do it? At least my current beau is slightly more responsive. She said that her time was coming and she wants me.

Me! Among all the other males! Although I'm happy, Im not surprised.

Why should I be? Afterall, I do possess some of my father's good looks. *Smirk*

When I told her of my plans to go out hunting tonight, she got worried.

"But we got enough food and water from the nearby food deposit! Can you not go? Please?"

I told her that I needed to try hunting at least once, to see what I am capable of. Its all for a better future for our future family. After much persuasion, she relented.

Who can blame her. Many of her friends and family members were the gungho type. All thrill seekers. Many have gone out hunting for food but few have returned.

The time for the hunt grew closer. I couldn't sleep that day. Normally, I would sleep from 2am to 10pm, and the rest of the time would be spent doing my daily activities.

My mother said that the best time was when the lights are off. No one would be around to disturb us. Being naive, I believed her.

That night, after we passed the customs, the uncle on duty wished us good luck. My mother ignored him. Not wanting to be rude, I said thanks.

"Don't reply him! Very pan tang you know?" My mother hissed at me.

We felt our way to the exit, me following my mother behind. I dare say my mother very garang also. Maybe thats what my father saw in her. Her garang-ness.

Damn, I'm feeling sleepy. I should have at least try to sleep just now instead of worrying. Serves me right. Oh well, too late now.

Wait. Something is wrong. Why is the lights on? I thought there would be no one to disturb us in the darkness? I retreated back to the tunnel.

"Come on son, its safe!" Lights on doesn't mean its dangerous!"

Easy for her to say. All my life I have been either living in the darkness or in dim lights. Now this, is different from what I was expecting.

*Psssssttttt*

"Quick! Go back!", my mother exclaimed while pushing me back into the tunnel.

"Whats that?!" I asked her.

My vision started to blur. I hear strange noises in my head. I can't hear my mother properly. And why am I having difficultly breathing? Fuck.

My head started to spin. I started hallucinating. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and made my way towards it.

"You are going the wrong way! Come back!"

I didn't hear her. I was soon out of the tunnel, where the light was.

Out in the open, and my mind started to work on overdrive.

Shit. Where am I? I better find a place to hide.

I started running, but my legs feel heavy. I searched for a dark corner but there was none. I started to retrace my steps.

I must get home. My girlfriend was waiting for me. Why the hell did I even agree to follow my mother in the first... woah!!!

I slipped and fell. On my back.

Owwww. That hurt.

I saw a big yellow creature looking at me. Damn, must try to get up!

*Psssssttttt* *Psssssttttt*

I smelled it again. *Cough cough* Damn what is this thing? I'm suffocating!

I grew tired from all that struggling. Maybe I should wait for the effect to wear off before getting up.

I saw the creature holding something else in his hand. Its different from what he was holding just now.

What now?

I heard him say something, but I didn't understand the gibberish what was coming out from him.

"I think I shall end this little bugger's misery"

Even though it sounded gibberish, it sounded dangerous.

Damn. I struggled again.

I felt a shower of hot liquid over my stomach. Pain pain!

But I was too numb to move already.

I thought of my girlfriend before everything faded to black.

* * * * *

Author's note
Yep, I killed the bloody cockroach with insecticide and boiling water. Ended its misery quick. I was lazy to wait for it to die.

Cruel yes but it must be done. Kill without mercy.

The big one escaped though. Damn.

Kudus to Joe Kunkel and his cockroach FAQ. It helped me to understand cockroaches behaviour better to enable me to write this post.

Hows that for a blog post from a cockroach's point of view?

That familiar girl

Remember Janice from Maxim Singapore?

I've found her blog.

Yes, her blog. The one which she doesn't like revealing to the public.

After so so so long.

And I will respect her wishes by not divulging her well guarded secret.

Her blog url that is.

Past Present Future

I have the tendency to daydream and let mind wander off somewhere, anywhere.

It is something I always did when I am alone, if I'm not sleeping.

Here is a summary of things to come: The origins of the Lecherous Monk.

I'm sure many of you would like to know how this nickname of mine came about.

I may have told some of you readers via MSN before but it was only in brief.

Ready? Here goes.

On one particular daydreaming session, my ghost of the past came back to haunt me...

*****

Past
I was 14 again.

Having reached puberty and being curious and all, I made every effort to try to make friends with the people of the opposite sex.

For your info, I was in an all boys school for 10 good years. My life was either revolved around tuition (5 days a week) or hanging around the technical workshop most of the time.

I tried the penpals column from Teenage magazine, mIRC, and even surfed websites and forums on dating tips.

I remembered that I visited the then Singaporean Dating Guide (or SDG for short) religiously.



I was so religious that I even printed the entire guide out.

I think I still have it somewhere in my drawer...


Here it is!

I was also a regular participant in the SDG forum! So regular that I was promoted to 2nd in command administrator! Big fuck man at that point of time...

I also visited http://www.askmen.com

What is askmen.com all about?

According to their mission statement, AskMen.com is a free online destination for men, a men's portal, designed to provide men with daily features on subject matter that interests the general male population.

It has alot of topics regarding Dating, Sex, Fashion, Money, Sports.

Being a pimply kid still in his teens, the only thing I was curious about is dating and sex!

Enough said.

As I grew older and entered polytechnic, I still had no luck with women. Even my friends started to wonder if I have decided to go into monkhood.

Friend 1: "Eh still single? You want to become monk ah?"

Friend 2: "Monk? He so teeko how to become monk? Sure kena rejected or get kicked out one lah!"

Over the years, these comments just kept coming and coming and thus...

The Lecherous Monk was born.

As I was so determined to unlock the secrets of befriending women, I turned to self help books.

I bought myself this...



And then the time came when I had to serve the nation. It was during this time that I found out from my army mates that there is no standard way of befriending women.

Women, comes in all shapes and sizes and everything else.

Some are vocal, some are not.

Some are sporty, some are not.

You get the drift.

In summary, being myself and customising every situation is the key. Self help books are useless as it was written in an overseas context and it does not apply to our local women.

Knowing the "enemy" and half the battle is won was another tip.

"How?" I asked.

"Either a woman tells you how a woman thinks or you find out yourself loh!"

Since I had little female friends, I had to turn to option two.

I turned to books written by women for the women.



I started on the shopaholic series and completed them all!

Reading other people's blogs can also gives me an insight on how women think.

Lets stop here for now.

Present
By now you may think that I'm very jian, despicable or just plain desperate.

You may even see me at a different light now that I have exposed some of my skeletons in my cupboard.

I may be more out spoken compared to my polytechnic days yes.

I may have no problems communicating with women now yes.

But over the years, I finally understood that its not all about getting into the woman's pants.

Its all about forging friendships.

Getting into the woman's pants is a bonus. Haha.

Future
I also discovered the joy of reading books written by women for women. Nothing can be more intriguing than conversing with a women at their frequency! It helps to built rapport in my humble opinion.

As for getting hitched/laid, I'll just let nature takes it course.

Although being a lecherous monk aint that bad, you think I'll be one forever?

Maybe as an online persona lah.

*****

My latest purchase!



Janice Wong's Single Picky Girl was on Kinokuniya's bestsellers list. If that is not a good enough reason to buy it, I don't know what is.

Maybe one day I should write a series of columns about something similar too.

How does writing about being SDU sound?

(S)ingle (D)esperate (U)nwanted

How to see the NR6 bus number later?!

I was as blind as a bat yesterday.

You can also call me the comic book hero Daredevil if you want to.

Why? One second I was dancing and the next second, I have absolutely no idea how my spectacles dropped. Only when everything seems a blur then I realised.

Upon realising that my eyewear is missing, my first thought was "Oh fuck."

I immediately took my handphone out and search my surroundings frantically. My friends took noticed and asked what happened. They too joined in the search after they understood the situation.

Let me see...

at least 5 people shining their handphones on the floor. I think we created a mini scene or something. Haha.

After 10 minutes of fruitless searching... I resigned myself to fate.

Damn! Just imagine the amount of feet stepping and crushing that fragile spectacle frame of mine. I also don't think I want to wait until closing time before resuming my search loh. I rather let it go as a memory.

I thanked my friends for their help and also apologised to them for "spoiling" their night and carried on dancing with a blur vision.

That sucks totally. All I can think of while dancing with a blur vision was, "How to see the NR6 bus number later?!"

About 15 minutes later, someone from the dance floor started passing something around and it kept changing hands. When it reached me, I was so surprised.

Holy shit! My spectacles!

And the best part was that it was still in one piece! Intact! It managed to escape the dancing feet of the almost crowded dancefloor.

Am I lucky or what?

After that, the atmosphere seemed to picked up. The music played was so good what yesterday was my first time leaving the club at closing time. Dancing to my favourite genre of music feels so good after a month of absence. Sweet!

Ok, not so sweet. I had to take a cab home because I missed the last NR6. Bleahz.

By the time I reached home, my Dad was already getting ready for work.

It was 3plus pm by the time I woke up. Sheesh. Two thirds of the day wasted already.

PS: Come to think of it, imagine if I lost my spectacles at either Momo or Zouk. I think I will have absolutely no chance of seeing my trusty spectacles again.

PPS: Did anyone catch True Files on channel 5 last night? Did you see Kamal? Just looking at his face saying this line just makes me want to laugh. "Thanks to you, your daughter has probably slept with a hundred other men before!"

Ok, I'm hungry. I need food.

Why do you blog?

That was the question a waitress was asking me when she came over to my table when I went for a drink during Happy Hour some time back .

I told her that I blog because I want to share my thoughts and opinions on certain issues and hopefully if the future, I can read about what I wrote and bring back memories, good or bad.

I asked her if she also blogs and she said yes.

"So why do you blog?" I asked.

"Everyones doing it" was her reply.

As she had to attend to other orders and left the table, I stopped to ponder over what she said.

Everyone's doing it?

Hmmmm. I believe there is a tinge of truth in it, and I'm guilty of it too.

The reason why I started blogging was because everyone is doing it.

According to most of the online dictionaries, a blog is known as online journal.

What is a journal? A journal is a daily written record of (usually personal) experiences and observations, also known as a dairy.

So am I jumping onto the bandwagon? In a way yes. I was reading my archives and discovered that my earlier entries were... without content.

I was blogging for the sake of blogging. Every little thing that happened in my life, I blog. I try to get readers by advertising via word of mouth. I visit other people's blogs and reply to their posts. I did everything to get the traffic.

Overtime, the effort to make it happen just died off. There is absolutely no way I can compare with the big guns, aka celebrity bloggers. So I stopped for awhile, and did some thinking.

To stop and close down the site? Or continue? I did spent a substantial amount of time to set up a blog with all my previous entires. To close it down would seem very sayang.

After much thought, I decided to blog for myself. So I tweak around with my template settings, customised my blog to be simple and yet very me.

And I started blogging about my thoughts, and any unique daily happenings.

To hell with being a celebrity blogger. If people like what they read, they will come.

And its true! I experienced an overnight traffic jump with my maxim review.

I do blog for the sake of blogging now and then but the frequency is lower compared to when I first started out.

Even my classmate Elizabeth said she noticed it too.

Don't believe me? Start reading from my archives loh.

Now, whenever I stumble across some new blogs, I can tell whether if they are just blogging or just blogging for the sake of blogging.

Quantity over quality is the phrase to be used.

So if you are/were a blogger, why do you blog in the first place?

Any changes in your blog content then and now?

And lastly, to all my daily readers,

Thank you for your support!

Its readers like you that makes blogging all worthwhile.

My first time...

going clubbing on a Wednesday.

For the 2nd time in my life, I was back at Zouk. Yesterday was my first time in Phuture.

Till now, I still can't figure out why people keep flocking back there.

Zouk is so out of the way.

You queue up so fucking long, and when you finally got in, you still have to squeeze with the masses and get molested just to get to the bar/toilet/dancefloor.

Fun meh?

For the guys maybe lah.

So why did I still go to Zouk in the first place since my all time favourite clubbing music is eurodance?

Many reasons.

1. Exams are finally over.
2. I need to destress.
3. It was Mambo night.
4. I've never gone to Mambo night before.
5. I always wanted to go and check out whats Mambo night all about.
6. Most of my Zouk siao classmates are going. A good opportunity to destress together.

My verdict?

Music wise... its very different. I don't know if it is the DJ's fault or not. Every 1 min, the DJ would change the song. Slow fast slow fast.

Aiyoh, wheres the rhythm?

Initially I was quite stiff but very soon, my body was grooving with the music.

Its amazing what alcohol can do.

The inevitable groping/brushing/molesting also helped to some extent.

I don't know what the trend is like in Zouk, but things got better towards the end, when the dance floor started to become more spacious and there was more room to dance... and breathe!

Amazing, I didn't even break a sweat!

PS: I discovered that my tolerance for alcohol has gone down to ground zero. Gone were the days when I could finish up half a barrel and still be sober. Now, I'm already having difficulty finishing my second glass!

I also found the taste of alcohol revolting nowadays. What is happening to me?!

Welcome!

There. As promised, a new blog url after my exams, along with my self designed banner.

Initially, I had other pictures to use. Those that I shortlisted, I even went to the extent of obtaining permission from the designer. But I settled for the library picture instead.

Anyway, if you are new to this blog, hello to you.

If you are returning visitor, hello to you too!

May this new "home" of mine bring about more quality posts.

If you have so cleanly forgotten, I did state on my blog sometime back on why I changed the url.

If you like what you read, bookmark me!

If you don't like it, I won't force you to stay.

A new url, a new month, a new beginning.

Lets get the party started.

My first Halloween experience

Stay only for about 2 hours because of the !@#$%^ fucking exams!

• Freddy
• Jason
• Batman
• Harley Quinn
• Angels
• Devils
• Japanese Geishas
• Japanese school girls
• Nurses
• Chinese Zombies
• Medieval guards
• the Grim Reaper
• Scream
• Austin Powers

were just SOME of the costumes spotted.

My eyes were just more interested in the overpopulation of girls in miniskirts.

Don't ask me why.